


Caledfwlch

by Hope



Category: Arthurian Mythology, Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-19
Updated: 2008-11-19
Packaged: 2017-10-02 03:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hope/pseuds/Hope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Harkness finds Excalibur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caledfwlch

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a ficlet posted via [angstslashhope](http://angstslashhope.livejournal.com/1413008.html#cutid3), for a prompt from [derryderrydown](http://derryderrydown.livejournal.com). According to [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excalibur), "Caledfwlch" is Excalibur in Welsh.

By the time Jack emerges from the lake it's well into twilight. Gwen's the only one who stands up the instant he appears, running down to the shore line as he first bobs up, sputtering and splashing. He manages to instill a little more grace in his movements the closer he gets, though, until he's wading through the shallows like a Bond girl.

Ianto stands a little more slowly as Gwen props a concerned shoulder under Jack's armpit to assist him the last few steps. It's quite clear that he doesn't need it, but he takes advantage nonetheless, beaming down at her as he wraps an arm around her shoulders, giving the fleshy part of her upper arm a squeeze.

Tosh struggles up next to Ianto, Jack's greatcoat still draped about her shoulders. Ianto makes no move to transfer it back to its rightful owner, even though Jack's lips are blue--obvious, even in the dim light. Ianto's own arms are still folded tightly against his chest, though that's more from the lingering self-consciousness at being deemed the unwilling winner of Owen's impromptu wet teeshirt contest, hours earlier. Though his white shirt has dried well beyond its translucent stage, his jacket is still damp beyond repair.

As well as the blue tinge to his mouth, as Jack gets closer Ianto detects--sigh--_that_ smile, and he scowls in the face of it as Jack gets close enough to relinquish Gwen's shoulders and stand before them with hands-on-hips, looking exceedingly pleased with himself. Almost like a long-distance swimmer presenting himself for his medal. Though swimming is most definitely _not_ what he's been doing.

Owen finally deigns it time to rise as well, popping up to his feet on the other side of Ianto and flicking a ball of snot off into the darkness. The gesture signals the end of what had been a marathon nose-picking session, during which Ianto had decided never to let Torchwood Three's medic touch him unless he was wearing latex gloves _ever again_.

"Are you quite done, then?" Owen asks boredly, and Jack fixes that unmistakable beam in Owen's direction.

"_Oh_ yes," Jack says. "And let me tell you--I was right about that hand."

"It was alien-related?"

"And it had a _body_ attached to it." Jack raises his eyebrows suggestively and Ianto tries not to think about Jack drowning and having sex at the same time. For the past four hours. At least it doesn't seem to have left any lasting damage. Not more than usual, at any rate.

Jack looks around curiously. "Where's the boat?" His eyes narrow as he examines them all a little more closely. "And where are your shoes?"

As one, they all point back towards the lake. It shimmers innocently in a malevolent sort of way, reflecting the burgeoning moonlight.

"And there's more," Tosh says miserably. "The keys to the SUV." She grimaces. "They were in my handbag."

"And that's..." They all point to the lake again. "In the boat, right."

As if on cue, a pale, woman's hand emerges from the surface with barely a ripple. Ianto's shoulders slump involuntarily.

"Right then, so this is nothing more than an epic cock-up," Owen declares what they're all thinking, sending a withering glance in Jack's direction. "For some of us, literally. And we're left with no boat, no way to get home, and nothing else to show for this day of misery and boredom whatsoever."

"Oh, I don't know," Jack says, reaching behind him then withdrawing his hand again to produce a rather impressive-looking sword. "How about, 'I shagged an underwater lady and all I got was this lousy sword'?"

Ianto closes his eyes briefly. "I think," he announces. "That a large part of my childhood just died."

**Author's Note:**

> http://hope.dreamwidth.org/1383450.html


End file.
